that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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