Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
