The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
