I think im going to throw up on grandma
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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