if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
