he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize