naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Houston, we have a blender
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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