I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
