she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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