i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
