You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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