i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
