Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
