i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
sex in a hospital.. check
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
