There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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