no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize