His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
