in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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