When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
