Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
