I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have surprise drugs for everyone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
