he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
