Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
