Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
