dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
