at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
