You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
