My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
