I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
