I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
