i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
