I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
