I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
