I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
