I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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