My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
