dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
