o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
