Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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