i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
