I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
