She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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