We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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