Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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