Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
