hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
