She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
