he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
