Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
