Kiss
Puke
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
