every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
