i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
