Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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