Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
