Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
