At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
