Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize