You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
