I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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