btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
