my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
