Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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