i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
