I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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