Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
