but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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