My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
