not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
