Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
