I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
