You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
