Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
