ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
