I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
