did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
