Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
