I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
