just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
