Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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