I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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