I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize