Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
