y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
vagina is talking i cant
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
