I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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