I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i now understand why vodka
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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