bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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