I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
