I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
