i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
