looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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