Just cropdusted the office
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
