You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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