Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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