Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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