Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
