Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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