I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
