i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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