he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
